Why Hollywood Marriages Fail

It is a cliché that everyone in Hollywood is has been married and divorced multiple times. This stereotype is a cliché because it is, of course, partially true. Rue McClanahan, a stage and TV star best known for the TV series “The Golden Girls,” who died this week, was married six times. Yet there are many long-lasting and loving marriages in Hollywood; Kyra Sedgwick, known for her starring role in the hit series “The Closer,” has been married to Kevin Bacon for over 20 years. My Bacon number, by the way, is two, and if you’ve ever played Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, you will know what that means.

But still, it is true that many, many Hollywood marriages end in high profile divorces, often due to very high profile affairs (Brangelina, anyone?). I’ve been on a lot of TV and movie sets, and a lot of the time we extras spend waiting we also spend gossiping about the leads and who is sleeping with whom (I know some stuff, but I’m not telling!). And I think the basic reasons that stars divorce come down to these:

1) Long separations due to location shoots
I’ll bet if Jennifer Aniston had it to do over again, she wouldn’t have sent her gorgeous husband Brad Pitt off to work on location with equally gorgeous Angelina Jolie, who already had a reputation for getting involved with her co-stars, on the set of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” I suspect this is why Brad and Angie now alternate who works, taking turns on films and accompanying each other to sets with all six kids in tow. I’m sure it makes the love scenes a lot less sexy when the whole family is watching.

2) Long work hours
Shooting a weekly series is a demanding job. I have worked on the “House” set and was told by the regular background actors that 16-hour days are the norm for the cast and crew. And the star’s family lives in England! I’m not sure if that marriage will last. I’ve heard Rob Lowe say this is the reason he left “The West Wing” and “Brothers and Sisters,” so he could spend more time with his family, who lives in Santa Barbara, which is 90 miles up the coast from LA. I can relate!

3) On-set emotional affairs
As I have mentioned, even after a ten-day shoot background actors can feel very close to each other. What about actors in a four-month theatre run? Or in a regular series? Even if you are not playing a couple, you can get very close to your co-stars. Noah Wyle even married his makeup artist! (They are divorced now, but still). My point is, you have a lot of downtime on set, plenty of time to have your emotional needs met by someone who is not your spouse.

4) on-set physical affairs
I have only done a few kissing scenes, and I can tell you that your body does not realize that it is “just acting!” There is usually some chemistry between the actors for love scenes to be believable, and if they are sexy enough, the scenes often continue into real life. The examples are too numerous to mention, but the most famous is probably Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, who met while filming “Cleopatra” in the early 1960s when both were married to others. They ended up leaving their spouses and were married for 12 years, divorced, then remarried, divorced again, and were planning to remarry when he died suddenly in his early 50s. A very passionate couple whose relationship began with those sexy scenes on set.

5) One star’s career takes off and the other’s doesn’t
Everything is relative in terms of careers “taking off;” this can mean that one is just making more money than the other. This year much was made of the “Oscar curse” when Sandra Bullock’s marriage collapsed right after she won Best Actress, but that was for cheating; a better example is that of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe. When they married, Ryan was the bigger star, but over the course of their marriage, her star has eclipsed his, and many in Hollywood speculated that he could not handle her larger success and that the Oscar win was the last straw. Others speculated that his suspected affair with Abbie Cornish was really what killed their marriage. Either way, they are divorced now.

6) Substance abuse
Too many examples to count here! Suddenly successful actors usually have access to a lot of money, and they may be isolated from former friends and support systems due to their sudden fame. Too many of them then turn to different forms of substance abuse for comfort: alcohol, cocaine, and/or heroin to name a few, as well as prescription drugs. Carly Simon divorced James Taylor after he missed the birth of their son because of his heroin addiction (he’s now clean). Melissa Williams left Heath Ledger due to his drug habit; he later tragically overdosed accidentally, robbing us of a great talent that had just begun to flower.

7) Physical abuse
Much of the abuse that goes on marriages is hidden, but there are a few notable examples. Tina Turner is a dramatic example of a woman who left her husband Ike after years of abuse with nothing but the clothes on her back, and spectacularly turned her life around. Charlie Sheen’s current wife is apparently planning to divorce him after turning him in for his abuse of her over this last Christmas holiday. And of course, O.J. Simpson’s second wife, Nicole, left him due to his abuse, but later paid with her life when he killed her and her friend Ron Goldman with a knife. Sadly, many abused spouses do end up murdered by their abusers.

8) Emotional or verbal abuse
This type of problem usually gets hidden under the heading of “irreconcilable differences,” but you read about it in the bitter divorce battle that was underway between Dennis Hopper and his most recent wife (fourth? Fifth?), that ended with his death last week, in the acrimony between Alec Baldwin and his ex-wife Kim Basinger in the leaked e-mails about their daughter (“you are a rude, thoughtless little pig”), and of course, Charlie Sheen again, and his ex-wife Denise Richards (I can’t even quote that leaked voice mail, as it is X-rated!).

9) Financial problems, usually overspending
This latest, greatest example of this type of stupid behavior is that of Heidi and Spencer Pratt, of “The Hills,” married less than one year, millions in debt, and already separated. Heidi is the only who had 10 plastic surgeries IN ONE DAY. This is a case of too much fame, too much money, too fast, wasted on two idiots. There are others, but these two are my favorites.

10) Non-support by the non-acting spouse: financial, emotional, or otherwise
Finally, we get to the spouse that just really does not want the other person to be an actor. This usually happens in the case of a career change, when the other is used to a quiet life, or doesn’t want to move to LA. It happened to Jim Carey, it just happened to Crystal Bowersox, and sadly, it is now happening to me.

Keith and I have decided to separate formally as of around May 12. I have moved into a larger apartment, still in the Los Felix area of Hollywood, and will be bringing my furniture and my pug, Pasha, down to live with me here in late June. Keith had always been clear to me about not wanting to move to LA, and not wanting me to be an actor (“acting is the world’s most selfish profession” he’d say). He’s right, actors DO require a lot of attention, and are narcissists to some degree, but I think I am more of a studier of the human condition, and I like to portray that on stage and film. I’m not surprised that we ultimately were not able to stay together, but since we have been a couple for nearly 16 years, I am devastated and heartbroken by this decision. Our lives since I became ill have just taken completely different paths, and I feel much better physically in LA than I do in the Bay Area, while the best place for his work in computer science remains in San Jose. I love him and wish him all the best.

Namaste,
Jennie