My First Red Carpet: The 2010 Streamy Awards

You have probably never heard of the Streamy Awards. Until I got involved with the web series, "Whorified: The Search for America's Next Top Whore," neither had I. The Streamys are the awards for best content created specifically for the web, and 2009 was the first year they were awarded. Our web series, which was shot in May of 2009 and premiered on the web in October later that year, was eligible for all of the awards for comedy (it was a parody of the reality show "The Search for America's Next Top Model). We had gotten rave reviews, with one critic even calling it "America's first great classic web series," but we never got big numbers in terms of web hits. Still, we had a strong cult following, and we were getting legitimate "twitter chatter" about our chances for getting nominations. Our writer-director, Ann Marie Lindbloom, who is a member of the Academy of Web TV (kind of like the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences-AMPAS-that votes on the Oscars), did a great job of promoting the series via Facebook, and all of the cast tried to get the vote out as well. But alas, when the nominations were announced, we did not make the cut, although one of our "whores," Brenda Walsh, had made it to the semi-finals in the category of Best Actress in a Comedy Web Series. I should point out that all of the series that did receive nominations either had famous stars in them or were produced by well-known companies; "Whorified" had neither. But so it goes.

Anyway, Ann Marie was allowed two free tickets to the April 11th awards ceremony, which was going to have a red carpet for the first time, and was going to be streamed live over the Internet. As the event approached, it became clear that it was not going to sell out (they were originally trying to sell tickets for $225!), so she was able to get those of us who wanted to attend tickets for only $25. In the end, there was a group of seven that represented the cast of "Whorified:" Ann Marie (AJ the producer in the series), Brenda, Marie, Candis, and myself (all "contestants" on the show), Scott (the doctor who prescribes his "five-bite" diet for every ill), and Victor (who plays one of the "Johns"). We all dressed up in cocktail party dressy (not formal, since it started at 5 p.m. and that just seemed too over-the-top); there are lots of pictures on all of the girls' Facebook pages. Ann Marie hosted a cocktail party at her new apartment beforehand, which ironically is the completely re-built "hooker house" from the show which was a condemned property when we used it! It is a beautiful complex of gray stucco one-bedroom apartments now.

We were all mildly drunk when we arrived at the Orpheum Theatre, a cavernous 1930s art deco palace where the ceremony was to be held. Out front, there were three or four chaotic lines; no one seemed to know where we were supposed to go. We had our tickets with us, but we were told by an usher that the lines were for "will call" and that everyone had to pick up another ticket which would actually admit us to the building. I looked around but didn't see any stars, although there were a lot of well-dressed men and women, some in long gowns. Our group held our own in the looks department, I have to say. The lines took about 30 minutes, so it was a good thing we had arrived an hour before the doors opened. Then we were told to proceed to the rear alley for red carpet check-in, which we did. But when we got there, a burly guard stopped us and asked us if we were nominees or press. We said neither, and he told us we could not get on the red carpet without a press pass. We gazed at him sadly, then proceeded to beg. While we were shamelessly pleading, a well-dressed, good-looking black man came up with his body guard, and ran into the same problem. Ann Marie said, "Jaleel, I loved you in your series [the name escapes me]." He smiled and said thanks, and she asked for a group photo; he was obviously somebody I should know. As he put his arm around my waist and I put mine around his neck, I said, "Honey, who are you?" and Ann Marie whispered, "It's Jaleel White!" I said "You're Urkel! Honey, you grew up good-looking!" He was laughing - he probably gets that a lot. He IS good-looking, very fine - nothing like the nerdy Urkel that the older ones in the group remembered from "Family Matters."

We decided to walk all the way around to the street at the far end of the building, rather than just the alley, following Jaleel to see if we could tag along and get in with him. There was a large crowd slowly moving into the red carpet area, and basically we just squeezed into the group and started shaking hands with people that Ann Marie knew or saying hello to some minor stars (Ileanna Douglas, Kevin Pollack) and introducing ourselves. And it was working, too. We were just about to be let in to the enclosure where the actual red carpet was, where all the interviews were being conducted, when the guards closed it off, saying that it was too crowded and that only nominees were to be allowed in from that point on. But, we discovered that we could just walk around the outside of the enclosure, and meet more interviewers at the end as people were coming out! Sneaky, sneaky! So we waited there, and Ann Marie managed to get us interviewed by a LA-based blog, including photos of the whole group. Then I saw Randy and Jason Sklar being interviewed inside the enclosure, and I called to them and said "Hi guys! It's Jennie from Held Up!" They remembered me, and we walked over to give them hugs, and I was able to introduce them to Ann Marie, who is a big fan. We took photos, and then, since we were inside the red carpet and knew the Sklars, Mingle Media, who had just interviewed Jason and Randy, asked to interview us! Cool, huh? So that's the way it goes. A lot of networking and moving and grooving in the crowd.
You can see our interview at this link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDMHdhCXLOM&feature=player_embedded>

We worked the red carpet for a full half hour until they told us the doors were closing and we had to get to our seats,at 5:30. Our seats were in the balcony, of course, since none of us were nominees, but the theatre is gorgeous, a lot like Radio City Music Hall, all soaring and gilded, and the stage looked beautiful. The award itself looks like a silver fountain of twisted cables rising from its pedestal (I got to see one up close from a winner on the carpet with me, who won a technical award earlier in the week), and the centerpiece of the stage was a huge mock-up of this. Unfortunately, though, the ceremony got off to a bad start with a cheesy dance number and went downhill from there. Host Dick Scheer (sic) did a decent monologue, but when he said 35 awards were to be presented my heart sank, because I knew that meant a long-ass show. And then there were the endless bits - from the first presenter David Wain (sic) of the series Wainy Days, who had to prove he wasn't really the nerd he plays by going out into the audience to hit on a woman (too long, not funny) to a host of others that I can't remember now, because, well, they sucked. And the technical issues! My God, it was like tech rehearsal at the high school senior play! Mics went out. The scrolling video for the nominees went out, and the presenters didn't have them on a list, so the back-up plan was - to start the video over from the beginning of the show? And while we were waiting, along with the bored host and presenter, two fully naked guys actually streaked across the stage. Great, it's the 1970s! It went on and on, and by the time two hours had passed they had only given out 10 of the awards. Our group looked at each other and said, "Ready to go?" And we all were more than ready. We later found out that the show went on for three more hours!

To tell you the truth, I was truly embarrassed by this display. We are supposed to be representing the future of entertainment. These people acted like they had all gotten together in a room a few days before the event, thought up a bunch of bits that sounded good, and didn't eliminate (or rehearse) any of them. The humor was frat-boy, sophomoric, dick and toilet jokes most of the night. It was clear that there had been little or no technical planning, because there were so many mistakes and glitches. I have directed business meetings that went more elegantly. And it made me angry, because the people who bothered to watch on the web now think that if this is the future of entertainment, they're not buying, and now it will make it even harder for writers and actors like us to get funding for the really good programming that we are putting together. It was a major wasted opportunity for our industry and we all were upset about it. We went out to dinner afterward to gripe, and everyone agreed that the event had been a bust, but that the red carpet had been a blast! And we got coverage in the press the next day (see interview above), so it definitely was not a waste in terms of getting the show noticed. Who knows? Maybe we can finally get the last ten episodes funded and find out who wins "Whorified!"

Til next time,
Jennie